Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
