Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
