I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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