Someone shit on the floor
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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