I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
