Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
