apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
