she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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