how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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