now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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