today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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