grandma shit on top of the toilet
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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