He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
