So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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