I'm going to jail i love you
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
