I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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