where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
