It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
