You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
