Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
