I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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