Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
