I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
