just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
