my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
