I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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