I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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