gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you never un-have a 4some
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
