If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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