I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
