we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
