I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
