Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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