My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
