I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
