dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
