My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
