New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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