I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
