You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Found your dick twin last night
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
