Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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