Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I am midnight drunk by noon
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
