i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
