I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she peed on how many people?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
