Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
