I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
