At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
