john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
