I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
