did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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