I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This is classic penis vs brain.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
