...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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