Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
